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Cellular Networking Perspectives

Irreverent Acronyms

Admit it, who hasn’t thought up an irreverent, rude, or worse expansion of an industry acronym, or a humorous definition of a pompous term? This is the place for all of those. If you have your own favorites, don’t neglect to tell us. And, this is all in fun so don’t get your knickers in a knot if you don’t like people being irreverent about your favorite technology. Just focus on developing new barbs aimed at the competition instead!

Our alternative, serious glossary of telecom terms and acronyms is a good source of ideas, apart from being a great glossary in its own right!

The only rules are:

1. Your suggestions should not be (too) rude
2. Not more than one of the words in your irreverent acronym should be in the serious expansion.
3. Preferably, the irreverent acronym should be a sardonic (or even sarcastic) comment on the serious meaning.

If we accept at least three of your acronyms, or if you send us one that is particularly good, we will send you one of our golf shirts (L or M only) made from environmentally friendly materials.

Recent additions will be shown in red for extra emphasis until we get tired of them.

3G [3rd Generation]

Gosh! Golly! Gee!

Gadgets Galore...Gradually (seanjr@another.com)

Girls, Gambling and Games!

Governments Giving Gifts

AHAG

Aha! How Authentically Goofed-up (adapted from ravi_bowgal@yahoo.com) >

AMPS

Answering May Produce Static.

At least My Phone Still works (mdlloyd@mindspring.com)

...And Many Phones Scrapped (Masao Yamasawa, Japan)

...And More Places Served (Masao Yamasawa, Japan)

Americans Must Prove Something (cellshop@candw.ky, Cayman Islands)

ALI

Addresses: Lost and Inconsistent

ANI

Absolute Numbskull Indicator (adapted from sdevry@home.com)

AOL

Acronym Overload Land

Ain’t On-Line (Meinhardt7@msn.com)

ATIS

Alliance Taking It Slow (diedre@flash.net, USA)

BOHICA

Bend Over Here It Comes Again (Dave Redmond – Dave@tripowergroup.com)

BSP (Coating on Manuals)

Butt Sweat Protected (Stevve Adams, tazdpwwo@yahoo.com)

BTTC

Boring, Tiring, Tedious and Cumbersome.

CALEA

Cops And Lawmakers Eating Assets.

Criminals And Libertarians Each Abhor (it).

CARNIVORE [FBI email sniffing system]

Copious Agents Reading Nearly Infinite Volumes of Redundant Emails

CIA

Could Intoxicate America (great_guy55@hotmail.com).

CCIE (actually CISCO Certified Internetwork Engineer)

Can’t Configure It Effectively (dssickler(at)aol.com).

CCITT

Croissants & Coffee Interrupted by Technical Trivia.

Crazy Committee Interested in Travel & Talk

Call Collect If Totally Trapped (adapted from arrowset<at>sympatico.ca)

CCNA (actually CISCO Certified Network Associate)

Can’t Configure Networks Anymore (dssickler(at)aol.com).

CCNP (actually CISCO Certified Network Professional)

Can’t Control Network Protocols (dssickler(at)aol.com).

CDMA

Could’ve Done More Arithmetic

Can’t Determine Market Availability (C. Baldwin, marvell@juno.com)

Can Disconnect Mobiles Anywhere (doug.kramon@attws.com)

Can’t Dial in Most Areas (mdlloyd@mindspring.com)

Cash Doesn’t Matter Anymore (duenasd@kuentos.guam.net) ... or ...

Coverage Doesn’t Matter Anymore (mdlloyd@mindspring.com) ... or ...

Capacity Doesn’t Matter Anymore (Masao Yamasawa, Japan)

Can Digital Match Analog (anonymous, from Australia, where digital (GSM and CDMA) are replacing analog by government fiat)

Connecting Doesn’t Mean Anything (pringre@charlie.cns.iit.edu)

Calls Drop Most Anywhere

Collisions Destroy Most Accesses (César del Pino, Spain)

Christian Dior Mobile Accessories (seanjr@another.com)

Customers Don’t Mean Anything (Keith Horak)

Commercially Deployed and Miles Ahead (this one...)

Cleverly Designed to Maximize the Airwaves (...and following...)

Cool Data and Multimedia Applications (...are from...)

Customers Deserve More Airtime (...Qualcomm advertisements...)

Can Do Most Anything

Can’t Do Much Anyway

CDPD

Capacity Did Prove Deficient.

CIA

Can’t Ice Anyone.

CIBER

Cents Ignored By Eliminating Revenue.

Can It Bill European Roamers? (Jack Hwang, USA)

CIO

Career Is Over (keilsohn@home.com)

CLEC

Can’t Lose Enough Cash.

CPGA

Cost Percentage Grossly Arrogated (cbsewiz(at)hotmail.com)

CRTC

Canada’s Reward for Tired Campaigners

Canadian Roadblock to Telecommunications Competition (Craig Bruce, csbruce[at]pobox.com)

C-SPAN

Catering to Silly Politics Ad Nauseum (mydastrust-at-hotmail-dot-com).

CTIA

Cancer Tales Inhibit Achievements.

Can’t Take It Anymore

Constantly Taking Interfering Action (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)

DEA

Denying Endowments Attentively (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)

DoC

Dead on Contact (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)

DHL

Drop it, Hide it, Lose it (fil(at)atlas.cz)

DOS

Dinosaur Operating System (jerryratliff1971(at)yahoo.com)

DSL

Download Service Lags (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)

DVD

Diminishing VCR Dominance

EAP-TLS (security system)

Exponentially Accessible Portals Tunneling Leaks Systematically (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)

ECSA

Europe Crying and Screaming for Attention (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)

EDGE

Enhanced Design to Go Erroneous (tshveta(at)netscape.net).

EIA

Explosive Incontinence Attack (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)

ESN

Engineer Safer Numbering.

EPE

Everyone’s Privacy Excluded (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)

ETSI

Eradicate TIA Standards Immediately (‘Q’).

European Travel and Sightseeing Initiative.

Existing Telecom Standards Insufficient (Harshawardhan Lele, harshawardhan.r.lele@tek.com, India)

FBI

Fumbling Bureaucratic Inefficiency (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)

FCC

Funnel Cash to Congress

First Class Catastrophe

Forcing a CALEA Compromise

Frequently Causing Chaos (Telcordia Wireless Interconnect Class of May, 1999)

Friendly Candy Company (Telcordia August 1999 San Francisco Wireless Basics Class)

Flippin’ Calling-party-pays Controversy (hilld@aztechcon.com)

FTTC

Federal Tyrants Taking Cash (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)

Gates, Bill

Greedy And Terrible Eater of Software Competitors, "Bullying Is Lotsa Laughs".

GPRS

Group of People Reading Specs (and doing nothing) (tshveta@netscape.net, USA)

Gullible Punters Requiring Speed (seanjr@another.com)

GPS

Great Plan for Spying

Going Places Slowly

GSM

God Send Mobiles [c. 1992]

Gotta Start Making Money [c. 1993]

Giant Static Maker [c. 1994]

Got Services and MOU

Gone to Some other Method (C. Baldwin, marvell@juno.com)

Great Software Monster (vesa.maki@benefon.fi)

Giant Software Mistake (Michael.Heilman@Ericsson.com)

Goodluck Sending Messages (mdlloyd@mindspring.com)

God Save Motorola (freaky1_1@excite.com)

Giant Signaling Machine (david@sanders-consulting.com)

God Silence these Morons (Mike Belin, California)

HDSL

Horrible Download Service Lag (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)

HLR

Here Lie Roamers

How Lost ’R u? (Benjamin.Smith@uscellular.com)

IBM

It’s Being Mended (jimd@spider.com)

I Believe in Mediocrity (jimd@spider.com)

I’ve Been Moved (Joe Walsh, w10981@email.mot.com)

Immature, But Marketable (fred@dinkler.com)

It’s Better done Manually

I Blame Microsoft (Krishna Prasad, krisprasad@hotmail.com, India)

I’ve Been Married (Charles Stumpwhistle, ex-IBMer, admin@opsimath.com)

Idiots Become Managers (admin@opsimath.com)

Itsy Bitsy Machines (admin@opsimath.com)

Insh’allah Bukrah Ma’alesh (Arabic, means approximately “God willing, in the morning, there might be something to sell” – admin@opsimath.com)

Institute for Bungling Morons.

Insane Beyond Management (Stephen Becker).

ICANN

Infernal Corporation Appropriating National Nomenclature (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)

iDEN

It Don’t Enhance Nothin’

It Drops Every-call Now!

I Do Everything for Nextel

IHA

I hate acronyms (Robert Pierce, USA)

IIS

Impossible to Initiate Safely (Manuel Baselga, Spain)

ILEC

Idiots Liking Excessive Charges (Telcordia Wireless Interconnect Class of May, 1999)

IMT-2000

It’s Marketing Trying To (make us say) ooo!

INTEL

I Never Took Engineering Lessons (jfbeaumont@yahoo.com)

Internet

In no time everyone’s raiding nearly everyone’s trash (Emile van der Merwe, South Africa)

IMTS

Idiots Must Talk Somehow (Telcordia August 1999 San Francisco Wireless Basics Class)

ISDN

Innovation Subscribers Don’t Need

Internet Saved d’ere Neck

It Still Does Nothing (lduenweg@sisktel.com)

Ich Sehe Das Nicht ([German version] harald.hoffmann@osiconsult.co.at)

I Smell DeutcheMarks Now! (Andrew-till@psion.com)

I See Dollars Now (Phil Audino, ETRI)

It Sometimes Does Network (kplus@bellatlantic.net)

I Still Don’t Know (asinghal@hotmail.com)

I Suspect Dubious Nomenclature (arrowset@sympatico.ca)

Invention Sucks Dollars Nicely (fred@dinkler.com)

It Still Doesn’t Network (wmarti@tamu.edu)

Idiotic Semi-Detectable Network (paul_griffin@lpsg.com, USA)

ISO

Illegible Software Ordinances (Manuel Baselga, Spain)

Invariably Soon Outdated (Manuel Baselga, Spain)

Infinite Sheet Organizers (adapted from Manual Baselga, Spain)

IT

Idiotic Torturers

Insolent Terrorists

ITU

Impossible To Understand (lborjesson@ts.es)

It’s Totally Useless (mlombino@ibm.net)

It Troubles You (chandrani.chaudhuri@wipro.com)

LANP

Let’s Ask Next Person (Telcordia Wireless Interconnect Class of May, 1999)

LATA

LEC Ain’t Toting Across (Telcordia Wireless Interconnect Class of May, 1999)

Leave A Telco Alone (Telcordia Wireless Interconnect Class of May, 1999)

Long Awaited Technical Assistance (arrowset@sympatico.ca)

Local Access Telephones Arbitrarily (Manuel Baselga, Spain)

LEC

Losing Existing Customers (Telcordia Wireless Interconnect Class of May, 1999)

LERG

Let Everyone Rage & Groan (Telcordia Wireless Interconnect Class of May, 1999)

Let Everyone Really Guess (Telcordia Wireless Interconnect Class of May, 1999)

LIDB

Looking Into Dead Beats (Terrie Tyler, Hewlett Packard)

LMDS

Lucrative Method for Delivering Service (Tim Kridel, Wireless Review Magazine)

LNP

Lost Network Performance.

Lotsa Nervous People

Lots of Network Problems (Michele Young, YoungIdeas)

LRIC

Low Rate Incumbent Cash-flow (Telcordia Wireless Interconnect Class of May, 1999)

Macintosh

Most Applications Crash. If Not, The Operating System Hangs (dlmclaug@eos.ncsu.edu)

Many Anguished Customers, Mostly Academic and Clueless (lellis@southwind.net)

MCSE

Must Call Someone Experienced (sdevry@home.com)

Many Crashes? Summon Experts (philg@lowflux.com)

Minesweeper Consultant and Solitaire Expert (Scott, Illinois)

Microsoft

Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers (Andrew-till@psion.com)

Methodically I Copy and Reproduce Original SOFTware (sgangupantula@hotmail.com)

Must I Continually Repulse Offensive Snubs, Outrages and Foolish Taunting?

Man, It Crashes Regardless Of Some Otherwise Fine Technology (philg@lowflux.com)

MIN

(there’s) Money In Numbers (sdrownjr@snowhill.com)

MMS

Mangled My Snapshots

Multi-Million $pending

MSA

Mostly Static Area

MSCID

My Service (Cellular) Is Deplorable

MOS

Marketing Office Silliness (diedre@flash.net, USA)

MSC

Must Send Cash (Dana.A.Borgman@usa.alcatel.com)

NAMPS

Not All Mobile Phones Suck (cellshop@candw.ky, Cayman Islands)

NANP

Not Another New Phone-number! (Dana.A.Borgman@usa.alcatel.com)

Network Administrators Never Panic (arrowset@sympatico.ca)

Not Another Numbering Plan! (Telcordia August 1999 San Francisco Wireless Basics Class)

NMT (Scandinavian originated analog cellular)

Nokia’s Money Tree

No More Troubles (Ronald.Plasmeijer@cmg.nl)

Nice Moments Together (Ronald.Plasmeijer@cmg.nl)

NSA

No Such Agency

Never Say Anything (mhahn@tcbtech.com)

Nasty Silence Abroad (adapted from pringre@charlie.cns.iit.edu)

Nursing Security Ailments (pringre@charlie.cns.iit.edu)

No Secrets Anymore

NTSC

Not Twice the Same Color (anderslu@stud.ntnu.no)

PAL

Peace At Last (anderslu@stud.ntnu.no).

Picture Always Lousy (Bryan Gleeson, Ireland)

PANS

Pretty Awesome New Stuff (Willis Marti; wmarti@lamar.tamu.edu)

PCIA

PCS Couldn’t Increase Admissions.

PCMCIA

People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms (ebb@usa.net)

Pretty Crappy Micro-Computer Inspired Acronym (arrowset@sympatico.ca)

PCS

Pretty Cool Stuff. [c. 1990]

Plagiarized Cellular Standards. [c. 1993]

Piles of Confusing Standards (kirk@synacom.com)

Prettymuch Cellular Service

Plentya Cash for Spectrum. [c. 1995]

Purchased Cellular Service (eccell1@execpc.com)

Pray for Cash from Sheiks [c. 1997]

Please Connect Sometimes! (mdlloyd@mindspring.com)

Push Cloned Service

Pretty Cruddy Service (a happy customer)

Particularly Crappy Service (Aaron Ayling, US Cellular)

PDC (Japanese digital cellular standard)

Perfect Domestic Connection (Masao Yamasawa, Japan)

Please Dial Cautiously (pringre@charlie.cns.iit.edu)

PLMN

Pay Lotsa Money Now (diedre@flash.net)

PSAP (Emergency call answering point)

Please Serve All Promptly (adapted from ravi_bowgal@yahoo.com)

Politicians Scream At Problems

People’s Screams Applied Promptly (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)

RCMP

Red Canadians Manhandling with Pepper

RSA

Rural Static Area (Telcordia Wireless Interconnect Class of May, 1999)

Rarely Served Adequately

Relatively Secure for Awhile (philg@lowflux.com)

SID

Some Idiot’s Decision (cellshop@candw.ky, Cayman Islands)

Say It’s Domestic (Manual Baselga, Spain)

SMDS

Small Men in Dancing Shoes (m.steinberg@hill.com)

SMS

Save My Soul (shveta@bell-labs.com)

Simply Mobile Spam (rkunz@physio-control.com)

Splintered Message Supply

Save Money Slowly (seanjr@another.com)

SNAFU

Silly Nations Allow Frequency Uncoordination

SNMP

Simply Not My Problem (Edward Bill - 72460.1503@compuserve.com)

Say Nicely, "More Pornography!" (hackerwiz@yahoo.com)

SS7

Signaling Sins: 7 (Manual Baselga, Spain)

SSP

Service Screw-up Point (ravi_bowgal@yahoo.com)

TCAP

Telecommunications Capability Appears Poor (ravi_bowgal@yahoo.com)

TCB

Terribly Corrupt Board (ravi_bowgal@yahoo.com)

TDMA

The Dumb Man’s Analog (mdlloyd@mindspring.com)

Turns Delicate Machines Autistic.

Too Dumb to Move Aside (Cliff Baldwin - marvell@juno.com)

Though Digital, May Be Antiquated (‘Q’)

Technical Disaster Mixed with Analog (freaky1_1@excite.com)

Too Damn Many Acronyms

TIA

Titles In Absentia.

Totally Ignorant Authority (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)

Terrified In America (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)

TELECOM

This Euphoric, Least Effective Career Of Mine (Mike Belin, California)

Tired Euphemism for Lazy, Egotistical, Crazy Old Managers (Mike Belin, California)

TETRA

The Endless Try to Reach Agreement (Giuseppe Scarpi, Italy).

TLA

Three Letter Acronym (ctaylo07@harris.com)

TTFN

Ta Ta For Now! (patrick.j.casey@tek.com, USA)

TWAIN

Technology Without An Interesting Name

USENET

Unorganized Setup Emanating News and Electronic Trash (gg at gmail dot com)

URL

Unable to Readily Locate

Unable to Register Lately (seanjr@another.com)

UWB

Un-Wanted Bursts

UWCC

Used to Want CDMA to Crash

Un-Wanted Consortium Collapses

VLR

Visitors (please) Leave Rightaway (ravi_bowgal@yahoo.com)

Visitors Lie Repeatedly

VoIP

Very over-rated Investment Potential (erniem1123@yahoo.com)

WAP

Win Another Problem (jap@parametro.es)

Windows Abandons PCs (manual.baselga@parametro.es)

Wear A PDA (manual.baselga@parametro.es)

Where Are the Phones? (halvard.lundgard@telenor.com)

What! Another Protocol?

WiFi

With Inadequate Fortifications against Intruders

WIN

Wreck IS-41 Now!

Wow! It’s New!

Windows

Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

WLNP

Weekends (and) Late Nights, Please (Parker.Stacy@secingular.com)

WNP

Worst Number Problems (Telcordia Wireless Interconnect Class of May, 1999)

We’re Not Prepared – Rhonni Rush (Batgirl35@hotmail.com)

WWW

World Wide Wait

Warm Waffles Wanted (Ricardo Baudin, Telefonica Moviles, Spain)

Wonderful Windows Waiting (Masao Yamasawa, Japan)

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