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Cellular Networking Perspectives

Irreverent Acronyms


Admit it, who hasn’t thought up an irreverent, rude, or worse expansion of an industry acronym, or a humorous definition of a pompous term? This is the place for all of those. If you have your own favorites, don’t neglect to tell us. And, this is all in fun so don’t get your knickers in a knot if you don’t like people being irreverent about your favorite technology. Just focus on developing new barbs aimed at the competition instead!

Our alternative, serious glossary of telecom terms and acronyms is a good source of ideas, apart from being a great glossary in its own right!

The only rules are:

  1. Your suggestions should not be (too) rude
  2. Not more than one of the words in your irreverent acronym should be in the serious expansion.
  3. Preferably, the irreverent acronym should be a sardonic (or even sarcastic) comment on the serious meaning.

Recent additions will be shown in red for extra emphasis until we get tired of them.

[0-9] | A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I | J | K | L | M | N | O | P | Q | R | S | T | U | V | W | X | Y | Z

3G [3rd Generation]
Gosh! Golly! Gee!
Gadgets Galore...Gradually (seanjr@another.com)
Girls, Gambling and Games!
Governments Giving Gifts
AHAG
Aha! How Authentically Goofed-up (adapted from ravi_bowgal@yahoo.com) >
AMPS
Answering May Produce Static.
At least My Phone Still works (mdlloyd@mindspring.com)
...And Many Phones Scrapped (Masao Yamasawa, Japan)
...And More Places Served (Masao Yamasawa, Japan)
Americans Must Prove Something (cellshop@candw.ky, Cayman Islands)
ALI
Addresses: Lost and Inconsistent
ANI
Absolute Numbskull Indicator (adapted from sdevry@home.com)
AOL
Acronym Overload Land
Ain’t On-Line (Meinhardt7@msn.com)
ATIS
Alliance Taking It Slow (diedre@flash.net, USA)
BOHICA
Bend Over Here It Comes Again (Dave Redmond – Dave@tripowergroup.com)
BSP (Coating on Manuals)
Butt Sweat Protected (Stevve Adams, tazdpwwo@yahoo.com)
BTTC
Boring, Tiring, Tedious and Cumbersome.
CALEA
Cops And Lawmakers Eating Assets.
Criminals And Libertarians Each Abhor (it).
CARNIVORE [FBI email sniffing system]
Copious Agents Reading Nearly Infinite Volumes of Redundant Emails
CIA
Could Intoxicate America (great_guy55@hotmail.com).
CCIE (actually CISCO Certified Internetwork Engineer)
Can’t Configure It Effectively (dssickler(at)aol.com).
CCITT
Croissants & Coffee Interrupted by Technical Trivia.
Crazy Committee Interested in Travel & Talk
Call Collect If Totally Trapped (adapted from arrowset<at>sympatico.ca)
CCNA (actually CISCO Certified Network Associate)
Can’t Configure Networks Anymore (dssickler(at)aol.com).
CCNP (actually CISCO Certified Network Professional)
Can’t Control Network Protocols (dssickler(at)aol.com).
CDMA
Could’ve Done More Arithmetic
Can’t Determine Market Availability (C. Baldwin, marvell@juno.com)
Can Disconnect Mobiles Anywhere (doug.kramon@attws.com)
Can’t Dial in Most Areas (mdlloyd@mindspring.com)
Cash Doesn’t Matter Anymore (duenasd@kuentos.guam.net) ... or ...
Coverage Doesn’t Matter Anymore (mdlloyd@mindspring.com) ... or ...
Capacity Doesn’t Matter Anymore (Masao Yamasawa, Japan)
Can Digital Match Analog (anonymous, from Australia, where digital (GSM and CDMA) are replacing analog by government fiat)
Connecting Doesn’t Mean Anything (pringre@charlie.cns.iit.edu)
Calls Drop Most Anywhere
Collisions Destroy Most Accesses (César del Pino, Spain)
Christian Dior Mobile Accessories (seanjr@another.com)
Customers Don’t Mean Anything (Keith Horak)
Commercially Deployed and Miles Ahead (this one...)
Cleverly Designed to Maximize the Airwaves (...and following...)
Cool Data and Multimedia Applications (...are from...)
Customers Deserve More Airtime (...Qualcomm advertisements...)
Can Do Most Anything
Can’t Do Much Anyway
CDPD
Capacity Did Prove Deficient.
CIA
Can’t Ice Anyone.
CIBER
Cents Ignored By Eliminating Revenue.
Can It Bill European Roamers? (Jack Hwang, USA)
CIO
Career Is Over (keilsohn@home.com)
CLEC
Can’t Lose Enough Cash.
CPGA
Cost Percentage Grossly Arrogated (cbsewiz(at)hotmail.com)
CRTC
Canada’s Reward for Tired Campaigners
Canadian Roadblock to Telecommunications Competition (Craig Bruce, csbruce[at]pobox.com)
C-SPAN
Catering to Silly Politics Ad Nauseum (mydastrust-at-hotmail-dot-com).
CTIA
Cancer Tales Inhibit Achievements.
Can’t Take It Anymore
Constantly Taking Interfering Action (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)
DEA
Denying Endowments Attentively (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)
DoC
Dead on Contact (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)
DHL
Drop it, Hide it, Lose it (fil(at)atlas.cz)
DOS
Dinosaur Operating System (jerryratliff1971(at)yahoo.com)
DSL
Download Service Lags (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)
DVD
Diminishing VCR Dominance
EAP-TLS (security system)
Exponentially Accessible Portals Tunneling Leaks Systematically (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)
ECSA
Europe Crying and Screaming for Attention (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)
EDGE
Enhanced Design to Go Erroneous (tshveta(at)netscape.net).
EIA
Explosive Incontinence Attack (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)
ESN
Engineer Safer Numbering.
EPE
Everyone’s Privacy Excluded (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)
ETSI
Eradicate TIA Standards Immediately (‘Q’).
European Travel and Sightseeing Initiative.
Existing Telecom Standards Insufficient (Harshawardhan Lele, harshawardhan.r.lele@tek.com, India)
FBI
Fumbling Bureaucratic Inefficiency (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)
FCC
Funnel Cash to Congress
First Class Catastrophe
Forcing a CALEA Compromise
Frequently Causing Chaos (Telcordia Wireless Interconnect Class of May, 1999)
Friendly Candy Company (Telcordia August 1999 San Francisco Wireless Basics Class)
Flippin’ Calling-party-pays Controversy (hilld@aztechcon.com)
FTTC
Federal Tyrants Taking Cash (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)
Gates, Bill
Greedy And Terrible Eater of Software Competitors, "Bullying Is Lotsa Laughs".
GPRS
Group of People Reading Specs (and doing nothing) (tshveta@netscape.net, USA)
Gullible Punters Requiring Speed (seanjr@another.com)
GPS
Great Plan for Spying
Going Places Slowly
GSM
God Send Mobiles [c. 1992]
Gotta Start Making Money [c. 1993]
Giant Static Maker [c. 1994]
Got Services and MOU
Gone to Some other Method (C. Baldwin, marvell@juno.com)
Great Software Monster (vesa.maki@benefon.fi)
Giant Software Mistake (Michael.Heilman@Ericsson.com)
Goodluck Sending Messages (mdlloyd@mindspring.com)
God Save Motorola (freaky1_1@excite.com)
Giant Signaling Machine (david@sanders-consulting.com)
God Silence these Morons (Mike Belin, California)
HDSL
Horrible Download Service Lag (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)
HLR
Here Lie Roamers
How Lost ’R u? (Benjamin.Smith@uscellular.com)
IBM
It’s Being Mended (jimd@spider.com)
I Believe in Mediocrity (jimd@spider.com)
I’ve Been Moved (Joe Walsh, w10981@email.mot.com)
Immature, But Marketable (fred@dinkler.com)
It’s Better done Manually
I Blame Microsoft (Krishna Prasad, krisprasad@hotmail.com, India)
I’ve Been Married (Charles Stumpwhistle, ex-IBMer, admin@opsimath.com)
Idiots Become Managers (admin@opsimath.com)
Itsy Bitsy Machines (admin@opsimath.com)
Insh’allah Bukrah Ma’alesh (Arabic, means approximately “God willing, in the morning, there might be something to sell” – admin@opsimath.com)
Institute for Bungling Morons.
Insane Beyond Management (Stephen Becker).
ICANN
Infernal Corporation Appropriating National Nomenclature (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)
iDEN
It Don’t Enhance Nothin’
It Drops Every-call Now!
I Do Everything for Nextel
IHA
I hate acronyms (Robert Pierce, USA)
IIS
Impossible to Initiate Safely (Manuel Baselga, Spain)
ILEC
Idiots Liking Excessive Charges (Telcordia Wireless Interconnect Class of May, 1999)
IMT-2000
It’s Marketing Trying To (make us say) ooo!
INTEL
I Never Took Engineering Lessons (jfbeaumont@yahoo.com)
Internet
In no time everyone’s raiding nearly everyone’s trash (Emile van der Merwe, South Africa)
IMTS
Idiots Must Talk Somehow (Telcordia August 1999 San Francisco Wireless Basics Class)
ISDN
Innovation Subscribers Don’t Need
Internet Saved d’ere Neck
It Still Does Nothing (lduenweg@sisktel.com)
Ich Sehe Das Nicht ([German version] harald.hoffmann@osiconsult.co.at)
I Smell DeutcheMarks Now! (Andrew-till@psion.com)
I See Dollars Now (Phil Audino, ETRI)
It Sometimes Does Network (kplus@bellatlantic.net)
I Still Don’t Know (asinghal@hotmail.com)
I Suspect Dubious Nomenclature (arrowset@sympatico.ca)
Invention Sucks Dollars Nicely (fred@dinkler.com)
It Still Doesn’t Network (wmarti@tamu.edu)
Idiotic Semi-Detectable Network (paul_griffin@lpsg.com, USA)
ISO
Illegible Software Ordinances (Manuel Baselga, Spain)
Invariably Soon Outdated (Manuel Baselga, Spain)
Infinite Sheet Organizers (adapted from Manual Baselga, Spain)
IT
Idiotic Torturers
Insolent Terrorists
ITU
Impossible To Understand (lborjesson@ts.es)
It’s Totally Useless (mlombino@ibm.net)
It Troubles You (chandrani.chaudhuri@wipro.com)
LANP
Let’s Ask Next Person (Telcordia Wireless Interconnect Class of May, 1999)
LATA
LEC Ain’t Toting Across (Telcordia Wireless Interconnect Class of May, 1999)
Leave A Telco Alone (Telcordia Wireless Interconnect Class of May, 1999)
Long Awaited Technical Assistance (arrowset@sympatico.ca)
Local Access Telephones Arbitrarily (Manuel Baselga, Spain)
LEC
Losing Existing Customers (Telcordia Wireless Interconnect Class of May, 1999)
LERG
Let Everyone Rage & Groan (Telcordia Wireless Interconnect Class of May, 1999)
Let Everyone Really Guess (Telcordia Wireless Interconnect Class of May, 1999)
LIDB
Looking Into Dead Beats (Terrie Tyler, Hewlett Packard)
LMDS
Lucrative Method for Delivering Service (Tim Kridel, Wireless Review Magazine)
LNP
Lost Network Performance.
Lotsa Nervous People
Lots of Network Problems (Michele Young, YoungIdeas)
LRIC
Low Rate Incumbent Cash-flow (Telcordia Wireless Interconnect Class of May, 1999)
Macintosh
Most Applications Crash. If Not, The Operating System Hangs (dlmclaug@eos.ncsu.edu)
Many Anguished Customers, Mostly Academic and Clueless (lellis@southwind.net)
MCSE
Must Call Someone Experienced (sdevry@home.com)
Many Crashes? Summon Experts (philg@lowflux.com)
Minesweeper Consultant and Solitaire Expert (Scott, Illinois)
Microsoft
Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers (Andrew-till@psion.com)
Methodically I Copy and Reproduce Original SOFTware (sgangupantula@hotmail.com)
Must I Continually Repulse Offensive Snubs, Outrages and Foolish Taunting?
Man, It Crashes Regardless Of Some Otherwise Fine Technology (philg@lowflux.com)
MIN
(there’s) Money In Numbers (sdrownjr@snowhill.com)
MMS
Mangled My Snapshots
Multi-Million $pending
MSA
Mostly Static Area
MSCID
My Service (Cellular) Is Deplorable
MOS
Marketing Office Silliness (diedre@flash.net, USA)
MSC
Must Send Cash (Dana.A.Borgman@usa.alcatel.com)
NAMPS
Not All Mobile Phones Suck (cellshop@candw.ky, Cayman Islands)
NANP
Not Another New Phone-number! (Dana.A.Borgman@usa.alcatel.com)
Network Administrators Never Panic (arrowset@sympatico.ca)
Not Another Numbering Plan! (Telcordia August 1999 San Francisco Wireless Basics Class)
NMT (Scandinavian originated analog cellular)
Nokia’s Money Tree
No More Troubles (Ronald.Plasmeijer@cmg.nl)
Nice Moments Together (Ronald.Plasmeijer@cmg.nl)
NSA
No Such Agency
Never Say Anything (mhahn@tcbtech.com)
Nasty Silence Abroad (adapted from pringre@charlie.cns.iit.edu)
Nursing Security Ailments (pringre@charlie.cns.iit.edu)
No Secrets Anymore
NTSC
Not Twice the Same Color (anderslu@stud.ntnu.no)
PAL
Peace At Last (anderslu@stud.ntnu.no).
Picture Always Lousy (Bryan Gleeson, Ireland)
PANS
Pretty Awesome New Stuff (Willis Marti; wmarti@lamar.tamu.edu)
PCIA
PCS Couldn’t Increase Admissions.
PCMCIA
People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms (ebb@usa.net)
Pretty Crappy Micro-Computer Inspired Acronym (arrowset@sympatico.ca)
PCS
Pretty Cool Stuff. [c. 1990]
Plagiarized Cellular Standards. [c. 1993]
Piles of Confusing Standards (kirk@synacom.com)
Prettymuch Cellular Service
Plentya Cash for Spectrum. [c. 1995]
Purchased Cellular Service (eccell1@execpc.com)
Pray for Cash from Sheiks [c. 1997]
Please Connect Sometimes! (mdlloyd@mindspring.com)
Push Cloned Service
Pretty Cruddy Service (a happy customer)
Particularly Crappy Service (Aaron Ayling, US Cellular)
PDC (Japanese digital cellular standard)
Perfect Domestic Connection (Masao Yamasawa, Japan)
Please Dial Cautiously (pringre@charlie.cns.iit.edu)
PLMN
Pay Lotsa Money Now (diedre@flash.net)
PSAP (Emergency call answering point)
Please Serve All Promptly (adapted from ravi_bowgal@yahoo.com)
Politicians Scream At Problems
People’s Screams Applied Promptly (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)
RCMP
Red Canadians Manhandling with Pepper
Revenue Collecting Mobile Punishers (Galen Thurber)
RSA
Rural Static Area (Telcordia Wireless Interconnect Class of May, 1999)
Rarely Served Adequately
Relatively Secure for Awhile (philg@lowflux.com)
SID
Some Idiot’s Decision (cellshop@candw.ky, Cayman Islands)
Say It’s Domestic (Manual Baselga, Spain)
SMDS
Small Men in Dancing Shoes (m.steinberg@hill.com)
SMS
Save My Soul (shveta@bell-labs.com)
Simply Mobile Spam (rkunz@physio-control.com)
Splintered Message Supply
Save Money Slowly (seanjr@another.com)
SNAFU
Silly Nations Allow Frequency Uncoordination
SNMP
Simply Not My Problem (Edward Bill)
Say Nicely, "More Pornography!"
Sprint
Someone Purportedly Reinvented Intermittent No-signal Technology. (Stephen Becker)
Still Providing Ridiculously Inadequate Network Technology (Susan King).
SS7
Signaling Sins: 7 (Manual Baselga, Spain)
SSP
Service Screw-up Point (ravi_bowgal@yahoo.com)
TCAP
Telecommunications Capability Appears Poor (ravi_bowgal@yahoo.com)
TCB
Terribly Corrupt Board (ravi_bowgal@yahoo.com)
TDMA
The Dumb Man’s Analog (mdlloyd@mindspring.com)
Turns Delicate Machines Autistic.
Too Dumb to Move Aside (Cliff Baldwin - marvell@juno.com)
Though Digital, May Be Antiquated (‘Q’)
Technical Disaster Mixed with Analog (freaky1_1@excite.com)
Too Damn Many Acronyms
TIA
Titles In Absentia.
Totally Ignorant Authority (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)
Terrified In America (cbsecwiz(at)hotmail.com)
TELECOM
This Euphoric, Least Effective Career Of Mine (Mike Belin, California)
Tired Euphemism for Lazy, Egotistical, Crazy Old Managers (Mike Belin, California)
TETRA
The Endless Try to Reach Agreement (Giuseppe Scarpi, Italy).
TITSUP
Total Inability To Support Usual Performance (theregister.co.uk)
TLA
Three Letter Acronym (ctaylo07@harris.com)
TTFN
Ta Ta For Now! (patrick.j.casey@tek.com, USA)
TWAIN
Technology Without An Interesting Name
USENET
Unorganized Setup Emanating News and Electronic Trash (gg at gmail dot com)
URL
Unable to Readily Locate
Unable to Register Lately (seanjr@another.com)
UWB
Un-Wanted Bursts
UWCC
Used to Want CDMA to Crash
Un-Wanted Consortium Collapses
VLR
Visitors (please) Leave Rightaway (ravi_bowgal@yahoo.com)
Visitors Lie Repeatedly
VoIP
Very over-rated Investment Potential (erniem1123@yahoo.com)
WAP
Win Another Problem (jap@parametro.es)
Windows Abandons PCs (manual.baselga@parametro.es)
Wear A PDA (manual.baselga@parametro.es)
Where Are the Phones? (halvard.lundgard@telenor.com)
What! Another Protocol?
WiFi
With Inadequate Fortifications against Intruders
WIN
Wreck IS-41 Now!
Wow! It’s New!
Windows
Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
WLNP
Weekends (and) Late Nights, Please (Parker.Stacy@secingular.com)
WNP
Worst Number Problems (Telcordia Wireless Interconnect Class of May, 1999)
We’re Not Prepared – Rhonni Rush (Batgirl35@hotmail.com)
WWW
World Wide Wait
Warm Waffles Wanted (Ricardo Baudin, Telefonica Moviles, Spain)
Wonderful Windows Waiting (Masao Yamasawa, Japan)

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© – Copyright January 1, 2014: Cellular Networking Perspectives Ltd.